just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
