I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
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