I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
