hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Randomize
