Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I just watched a trucker jack off to a picture of Ellen DeGeneres at a truck stop in Nebraska.
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
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