Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
