I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
at the time fanning him with a dish tray seemed like a good idea but when we found it buried in the dirt the next morning i questioned our judgement. needless to say he still threw up even with the extra breeze.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
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