Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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