I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
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