A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Am I supposed to get so horny by looking at your dick that I start orgasming uncontrollably
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
