How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
He's like the fucking Houdini of bras. Not only did I not feel him take it off I didn't find it until two days later.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
