I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
he farted when he came. not the best ending to my day.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
I put a toilet paper roll with my number on it by his face... hooking up is not happening
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Randomize
