He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
farters have to be the big spoon...
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
