oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
