I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
I just made bacon chili cheese fries for dinner...someday my kids are going to realize I'm a stoner & this will all make sense
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
Randomize
