if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
can u get pink eye on your cock?
it will be a sad day when drinking racks of keystone isnt socially acceptable anymore
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
Tommarow we shall sacrifice the freshmen to the sun god
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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