she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
