Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
Randomize
