She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
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