Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Terrible idea I love it
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
we had to follow your trail of clothes to find you.......
Randomize
