Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
