I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
dpoing straight shots of jhameson. boys are imp ressed. i apologize
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
No, he wouldn't have sex with me....but on the brightside I managed to fit the entire falafel sandwhich in my purse!!
Randomize
