yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
