Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
All I want is dick and wine.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
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