He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
Take off your clothes and see if he wants to have sex, that's a good way to find out
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
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