Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
I admire the fact that you replicated my apartment on the roof but I would appreciate it more if you would move all my stuff off the roof and back into my apartment.
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