I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
And now his mom knows I was dipping my pen in company ink
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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