I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
youre talking to a girl on facebook chat right now and im sitting behind her in class lol. creepy?
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
The last party at your house was a sex toy party...it's an obvious transition to baby shower
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize