I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
