I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a taco... I feel like a female Elvis.
Randomize
