You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
