I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I bought 2 40s with winning lottery tickets and they paid me $.03. 'Merica
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
Randomize
