We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Randomize
