why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
