Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Randomize
