I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize