I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I'm like, not good at living.
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
