Yeah....I really appreciate it....I didn't even get it from hooking up....lame, atleast if a girl gets u sick when u r hooking up it was fun in its inception...
Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Do you think it'll be awkward standing up at their wedding knowing I've slept with both the bride and the groom?
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
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