babies were throwing up all over the place
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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