Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
Whoa Z and x make the same sound
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
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