I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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