why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Randomize