I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
I just watched a woman break three wood planks with her boobs. I don't know how I feel about that
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
how do you ask an olympian for your underwear back?
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Randomize
