Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
The higher i get, the less gay he looks, and the more i want to make out with him. This is dangerous.
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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