Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I fell asleep on the air hockey table and someone turned it on, scariest shit ever when you're that fucked up
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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