This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
