I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
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