On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
so exactly what is concert sex etiquette? Before, during or after???
all of the above
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
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