Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
