She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I sold my books for weed money!
Finals don't start for a week...
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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