i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize
