By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
