I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
I'm okay.. I had a good heart to heart with the cab driver Raheem - it's going to be our year.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
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