He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I was wondering, is there any way to hook up a lawn hose to a keg?
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
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