ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Randomize
