Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
