and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
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