nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I deserve this hangover.
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