I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I just wanna have sex and go to Denny's after is that too much to ask for.
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
