you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
